Hug Me Until You Drug Me
by Desenchanter
Summary: Lemons. 'We just went through the motions for hedonistic needs but never for our hearts. No, I did, that was my motive for all the vices I now collected. Not to fix it, not to heal what he broke—what she scared—but just to make it stop.' SxS mild MxS
1. Prologue

**Hug Me Until You Drug Me**

**P**_rologue_**  
**

Ecstasy coursed through our unified entities, muffled gasps and smothered moans were the only other sounds that brought the hut to life in the midst of the blizzard that ranged outside. It was the chill that blew about our drenched bodies that really told us we were still alive. It was the heat that radiated from the rhythmic clash of his nude skin against my bare body that told me I was here, now.

It didn't matter; the crime we committed was brilliant either if it was luck or skill that allowed us to mesh so divinely—_lust_. I bit my bottom lip to keep from crying out—I'd never let him win by allowing him to hear. My hand wondered behind me to grab a lock of his untamed mane as my back arched away from his moonlit glimmering perfection. I was programmed to be a good, sweet, innocent girl but his washboard abs were enough to undo all nineteen years of that.

Regardless of the situation, whether we were fighting for control or content, his hands were always all over me. Currently, he guided my hips up and down; every now and then he'd lift his to meet me for a burst of bliss. I knew right when he'd pull out his favorite move, when he'd take our sin to its deepest level.

We were bond for hell for our meaningless merge, I knew it, but did he?

His throbbing within me must have corresponded with that beating of his heart—his heart that I didn't care for, that I needn't posses, that I didn't even know actually excited. I had to let out a gasp when he made his signature thrust forward, going deeper than any other time, as he rearranged us so he was upon his knees and I on all four like the animal I had become.

Shame sizzled withing my rumbling ribcage as I silently cried out when he reached to fiddle with my sensitive nub. Surges of something that made me feel closer to heaven than I ever would be always submerged me at the end.

Gods, how did I become like this? Primal, passionate, yet apathetic. He meant nothing to me just as I meant nothing to him. We just went through the emotions for hedonistic needs but never for the heart…

No, I did, that was my motive for all the vices I now collected. Not to fix it, not to heal what **_he_** broke—what **_she_** scared—but just to make it stop…

To. Make. It. Stop.

... damn the tears that always blurred my vision after it was all done...

_You hold me close naked, I don't feel a thing  
Your zippers are the cherry, but I don't feel anything  
Your mind is stranded down now, I am closing you in my arms  
And I prefer overweight than plastic any day_

{x**o**x**o**x**o**x...x**o**x**o**x**o**x...x**o**x**o**x**o**}

_**A/N: **_Song fic, Hug Me (Until You Drug Me) by Meg & Dia go to youtube and type in the song title if you want to hear it.

Great song, I recommend listening to it.

Also, if anyone has a time to take a quick poll please go to my profile. It's about story/chapter lengths.

Thank you for reading.


	2. What have I become?

_'I hate you, you stupid half-breed bastard' is a harsh thing to think about a fallen comrade but I don't care, I wouldn't, because it is somehow simpler to blame him than me, the blind buffoon, or her, the dishonest harlot, or him... the awful adulterer. _

_So, you see, when I put it like that can't you see how in the end it's all your fault?_

_If you didn't die then I wouldn't be stuck in this frozen fortress with your salutary and ever so shallow sibling. If you didn't die then I would be back in the hut I once shared with the man I once loved._

_If you didn't die I wouldn't have become this... this..._

_What _have _I become?_

**{**|**x**o**x**o**x**o**x**...**x**o**x**o**x**o**x**....**x**o**x**o**x**o**x**|**}**

Marriage would follow the marred match we all had to fight in. Marriage would make everything grand again. Marriage…

Kagome belonged with her beloved Inuyasha, they'd probably take a while to admit that they wanted do such a thing as forever unite in holly matrimony but they would because—as anyone with eyes could see—they loved each other. Inuyasha doted over her in his own special and possessive way. Kagome adored him with her high hope filled heart.

They were soul mates, weren't they?

My betrothed Miroku and I would play the proper parts at our black wedding not too long after nasty Naraku was no more. That was how it was supposed to be, no one thought twice about it, especially not us. I doubt even Inuyasha questioned what we all acknowledged without words.

Then _why_ did our fates only half reveal themselves? Why did he have to die? Why did he block that attack? Why did it kill him?

I'll never know, neither will she. I guess not knowing is the hardest part of it all... how the gods could fuck with us like they did.

I don't give a damn if it hurt her to the brink of constant tears, I don't give a shit that her heart was heavy from all the horrible pain. None of that justified what she did… what she made _him_ do.

"Miroku?" I called out as I strolled deeper into the full forest. You see, for what felt like ages now my Miroku had been acting funny. Oh, yes, he had always been a strange and perverted one but lately… he wasn't. Had our married life bored him so that he had to constantly go disappearing to find something to entertain himself? His hand had ceased to roam across our futon to grasp my bum, his whispered perversions refused to find their way to my ears, his bold body no longer pounded against mine.

I was a good wife, I was, I don't care if I sound full of myself. It wasn't like I didn't give up my innocence to him the night we wed, it isn't like I didn't heed his regular beckons for more, it isn't like I pressured him into doing anything. I was completely fine with him being who he was, even if that meant a harmless flirty moment with the latest lovely youth of the village. I allowed it with just a sigh and a twitched brow, I gave up on slapping him the day I became his. That's why I'll never understand…

Wait, was it because after a year I had yet to produce that heir you wanted ever so badly?

A rushed girlish gasp caught my attention right as I was about to take a left within the endless maze of trees, I didn't dare call his name then. Instead I just took a breath and slowly, silently, moved towards the grunts and familiar female cries for more. I wish I didn't know those grunts like I do, then I wouldn't have known right away. I could have had a few more moments of peace. I could have just hoped that my closet and most dear friend had finally found someone to replace that gap in her grieving soul.

Instead, though, I knew before I looked around the trunk of the tree I had to brace myself on what would be there.

Intertwined so… perfectly before my gaze were the two that I cherished most in the world. His robes only halfway hanging onto his body, her kimono flung open as a mat for her to lay upon, all their precious parts showing for anyone who happened upon the scene to see.

That was what irked me the most whenever I thought back on it… what if I had not been the only one to come across them? What if others did, too? Did they have no shame? Did they truly not have a worry in the world besides fucking each other? Couldn't they consider me just a _little_ and what absolute humiliation I'd be flung into if the entire village were to find out that they were carelessly screwing in the forest before I did?

Of course, when I first came across them I couldn't think of anything. Not a feeling fleeted through me. My wide mahogany eyes just gapped at their fluid motions, at the familiar way he held her leg close to his body so to have better accesses to her entry as his once cursed hand supported his weight. He bashed into her relentlessly, over and over and over…

The akin bliss upon my friend's face as she arched her back and grabbed her own sure-to-be spinning head as she cried _moreMirokumore._ He obliged like he always had for me, even with the same smirk he always got from hearing me call out his name and plunged deeper into the prettiest girl in the whole wide world. The one that so many man loved… why did mine have to, too?

You might want to defend her, like everyone does, since she's just such a _likeable_ person that everyone just had to _love_ her. You must prefer to think that it was my fault, that Inuyasha had died blocking an attack to protect me. You probably think I deserve having my man stolen by her just like I took hers, just in a different fashion but… you'd be stupid as all the other fools that flock to her. Inuyasha died protecting her useless self in the final feud. Her bow had broken--what good was she without it?--his sword had been knocked from his grasp but he still had to leap in front of the assault.

It. Was. Her. Fault. Thus, she deserved to suffer the pain it ended up causing her. She did not, mind you, deserve her supposed best friend's husband.

Why, oh, why didn't she just go back to her era after it was all done? Why did she decide not to use the shikon no tama for anything and take over priestess Kikyou's previous post? Why couldn't she just leave?

I guess I know now… it was because of Miroku. I am the dumbest woman in all the world. Never ever could I blame him for what occurred… I just swallowed my voice and kept my unwavering eyes upon my only lover's dirty dark eyes as they made their soundless assault upon her flawless body.

It wasn't until well after their final cries of pleasure as he collapsed upon her--like he had always with me--that they noticed they weren't alone. He even gently took her in his arms after the initial shockwaves wore off...

"Sango...?" He choked right as my former friend's face went white and eyes grew larger than I thought possible.

**{**|**x**o**x**o**x**o**x**...**x**o**x**o**x**o**x**....**x**o**x**o**x**o**x**|**}**

_Hug me 'til you drug me, honey, hug me anyway  
Your eyes are dusty, dirt porn magazines_


	3. But a Drug

**Chapter 3: But a Drug**

_Do you sleep? You must have to, I guess, but for some reason I never really think you are each time you close your golden slits. You must know about my night time hobby of resting upon my shoulder to stare down at you. _

_Often at times like these I think back to when we first met, it's a blur to me most of the time… I was stuck in such a haze, a beautifully blissful haze that you've stolen from me. I knew you hated me the moment you saw what I had done to myself._

_But that's OK, because I hated you, too. I've yet to resolve that, actually… I bet that's fine with you, I'm just a means to an end to you. And to me you are…_

_...but a drug._

**{**|**x**o**x**o**x**o**x**...**x**o**x**o**x**o**x**....**x**o**x**o**x**o**x**|**}**

A few moon cycles, more than two but less than five, had passed since I caught my husband—is he still my husband if he was bedding my best friend?—and _her_ together. I didn't say much, neither of them did either. Why were they so shocked that I found out? I could hunt down the worst of demons, track a pack of murdering fiends, so of course I'd find out.

Alas, I was so distraught from the deceit that I ran away. In hindsight I should have gone back to that hut to get my things but… I didn't. I ran a while before a kind old man haling some of his crops to the next village offered me a lift, then I got another to take me to the next, then the next, then the next…

Tsubuya village was probably one of the biggest in all of Japan so I felt safe enough to stop. Not that… he came looking for me and if he did he failed miserably at finding me.

How did I make a living? Where did I live? Did I pick up my trusted weapon once more and un-retire from demon slaying?

Nope. I met a rather perverted yet pleasant old man that owned a restaurant and inn. He said that I reminded him of his late wife when she was about ten years younger and I told him I needed a place to stay, so in exchange for working at his restaurant as a server he'd let me have a room in his inn. All his wife's old clothes, luckily, fit me fine.

I wanted to forget that damned deed that was forever embedded in my mangled mind; didn't I have a right to?

I suppose it was fate that Morimoto, the owner and my boss, came to me one night and inquired if I wanted to make some extra money during one of his 'late night' entertainment sessions for some of the noblemen of the village.

Sango, how could you? Sex for money? That's repugnant, vulgar, and completely unneeded. You would be very correct on all accounts, I am not whore. I never planned to give myself to another man, screw them. If I couldn't trust Miroku how could I ever trust another? So, no, your first thought was incorrect. I worked at a restaurant not a brothel.

"What would I be doing, Morimoto-san?"

"Just serving us old geezers some beverages and making sure no one cheats," that was what the special private sessions were all about—gambling, at least, I thought so.

There was no reason not to agree, what would I be doing if I didn't? I'd be lying in my perfectly fine futon staring aimlessly about—the ceiling, the wall, the light that crept in through that small hole in the door, but never the back of my eyelids. The darkness that laid behind them always led to a series of scenes, a majority of them made up of _him_ and _her_ screwing each other up and down in our… his home, in the forest again, by the well, or anywhere.

I never cried, what'd that say about me? Shouldn't I?

Oh well, fuck it.

"Hey there, Missy," one of the old lecherous men snickered after a few too many shots of sake, his hand roamed a fraction closer to my bum so I grabbed some of the loose, wrinkled skin and twisted it. I have to say I got quiet the surge of pleasure hearing his squeal.

"Sango-chan," Morimoto chuckled, "is a feisty one, I advise against trying anything funny. That's why she's our waitress. You old asses scared of Momoko-chan with your wondering hands."

"We're just trying to have some fun, Mo-ri-mo-to," another one of the drunken men chuckled as he pulled out a small wrap fold of paper. He fiddled with it some before lighting it and taking a deep puff.

That was the first time I've ever seen it… my sanctuary. My joy. It was a drug that was imported when some foreigners dared to come to our land; I believe it was called opium. It wasn't until the third session that I was offered any. It wasn't until the fourth that I agreed. It wasn't until the fifth that I fell in love.

It was bliss. It caused a fog to gather about my feeble mind, I was able to laugh again, I was able to find fun, I was able to sleep. All the extra money I made from those late night sessions I used to get my hand on some of that graced gift.

It was on one of my few days off that I saw him. I didn't need to do any work that day so I let the puff of pleasure take hold of me and wondered about. Everything was so much better; the air tasted better, the breeze of the coming winter caused such a sensational shiver, and people were just more pleasant.

Now, I can't tell you exactly what occurred when we first crossed paths because I can't necessary remember it step by step but this is essentially what happened…

"Demon slayer?" he was the first to beckon me, I think that's strange still. That wasn't very like him, why didn't he just ignore my existence like all the other times? Either way, I didn't reply because I hadn't been called that in over a year. I wasn't one anymore. I gave up when he died… when I lost him. The opium helped numb that pain, too.

The pain of true loneliness. I had no family left, _none_, and no husband to find salience in anymore either…

"Demon slayer," he stated harsher as he grabbed my shoulder and yanked me to look at him.

"You," was the most that I could come up with saying. I hadn't seen him in ages, not since before his brother's death—does it matter to you that he's dead? Somehow, I think not.

His condescending golden orbs fluttered about me, all the while his pressed lips said what he didn't—you are pathetic. Thank you, you stupid silent bastard, you don't think I already knew that?

I did something along the lines of knocking his hand away from me and taking a stumbling step back. I think I knocked into something and almost fell over, but my arm was caught by him and he pulled me back up right.

"What is wrong with you?"

Why did he talk to me? Was it… out of loneliness? He had lost his stupid little toad and little… Rin. I could understand that pain, I lost Kohaku the same day… my Kohaku, tears still summon to the surface at that thought.

"What…?" I planned on saying the same back to him but I didn't, I planned to pull away but I didn't. I had been so distant from my past that it was nice to see a piece of it even though… he and I disliked one another so.

"You reek of something," he snarled.

"What's it to you?" I muttered and tried to pull away but his grip just tightened. "What's a demon doing in a _human_ village?"

He hadn't an answer to that; I've yet to discover it. He let me go, though, and vanished before I could question it. So, I brushed the incident off. It wasn't hard, I barely remembered it happened by the next day when I had to stay sober enough to work the day. Then there was another special session that I needn't do that.

"Goodnight, Morimoto-san!" I laughed some as I stepped out the restaurant to head to my inn room that wasn't too far off.

It wasn't until I got to the door that I had to stop, my hand on the door… a demon. A demon was in my room. I hadn't any weapons, I hadn't any way to really protect myself, but I opened the door anyway. If I were to die, would it matter? And if so, to who? I hadn't anyone left the cared for me.

"You work as a waitress," Sesshomaru surmised as he sat across the room from me. The moonlight hit his pale perfection so flawlessly it made me stumble for an answer.

"So?" It was a rather weak one but… oh well.

"That is belittling," he scoffed before finding his way to his feet. He walked over to me and grabbed my chin, leading me into the room so he could close us off from the world.

"So?"

"You will stop doing it."

Doing what? He could mean so many things but I never bothered to ask.

"I have a job fitting for you."

I should have protested but I didn't, he took me away that night. It wasn't until I woke the next day that I discovered what was a 'fitting' job for _me_. At least, I found out what he really thought of me.

Still, I'm stuck at his fortress in the forest. Apparently, it was his parent's home. Apparently, he rarely stayed there even though it was his. Apparently, since Naraku's death he had been. Apparently… he thought I'd make a good servant. Apparently, humans were good at keeping things 'clean and tidy' when they had the proper master to order them around.

I should have protested to all of that, but I didn't. What'd it matter anyway? I hadn't anywhere to go.

**{**|**x**o**x**o**x**o**x**...**x**o**x**o**x**o**x**....**x**o**x**o**x**o**x**|**}**

_You're lazy, slefish, but you were raised that way  
It's a whore that here was bred_

* * *

**A/N:** I wanted to just say that this story is pretty harsh against Kagome, don't take offense. I'm just writting it from Sango's pov I know I'd be super pissed if this ever happened to me and I would most certanly think nothing but awful thoughts about the other woman.

Enjoy and thank you for the reviews!


	4. Shouldn't We?

**Chapter:** Shouldn't we?

_Gone… I shouldn't be shocked, somehow each night you find a way to escape without ever waking me. I've never woken up in a filled futon, there's always that empty side. Why would I expect there to be something there?_

_Oh well, it's always the hardest part of my existence to find a way to get up each morning. I'd like to be able to be a romantic and optimistic soul and say that when I do find the motivation to crawl out of my futon it's because of my love for life or—better yet—for you, the man I share my flat with each night but… that'd be a funny lie, it's usually when I think that I find a way to smile at the stupidity of it all. _

_I don't love you; you don't love me but…_

…_shouldn't we?  
_**{**|**x**o**x**o**x**o**x**...**x**o**x**o**x**o**x**....**x**o**x**o**x**o**x**|**}**

Really, honestly, did that man truly think that just because I didn't protest and submitted to his impulsive desire to bring me to his fortress that I'd just nod my head like a good obedient dog and put on my maid uniform? Did you really think I'd clean your home for you? You have other wenches for that. I was a demon slayer, for heaven's sake, why would I demean myself by becoming a servant for a _demon_?

"Human," he scoffed to me as he entered the simple room that had been designated as 'mine' by the servant that showed me around the first day I was brought there, "I hear you aren't follow orders."

There was a hierarchy within his fortress, he was the supreme Lord—obviously—then he had some of mildly high standings, then there was another structure within the 'help', which I was assigned as. I guess I was the only human in the entire place, but not the only maid—all of whom were woman, mind you. We were all meant to wear the same bland kimono as we went about our chores but I had yet to bother to change out of the at least well patterned kimono that I had come in.

I didn't bother to reply to his declaration, instead my eyes still fixated outside the window. It was a fairly pretty day, but the colds would soon cascade over the sky and steal all the light away. Snow would soon come. I'm not all too sure where his fortress lied, but it was in the West and midway up a tall mountain. I was sure that once the snow began to gather I wouldn't be able to leave, I doubt many could. Winter would have to be spent there… but did it matter?

"Woman," he snatched my chin to tilt my face up to look at him. I suppose I must have been truly bothersome if it got him to come and resolve the problem himself. He was the Lord; he probably had better things to do then deal with an uncooperative servant.

"Sesshomaru," I think that was the first time I said his name.

"Sesshomaru-sama," he corrected with a small squeeze before he let go, "do as you say—"

"I do not recall agreeing to be a servant here," I stated before my hand wondered up to rub my neck, "I refuse. I don't think this is much better than being a waitress."

His golden orbs wondered about my face before he began towards the door, "do as you are told."

I didn't, still, for another entire day I refused to leave my bedroom. I rolled around in my futon, I squeezed the sheets to me, I kicked my feet when I felt that I was stuck too tightly in it, I fidgeted like never before until I could take no more and night poured through the sky. I _needed_ something. I needed something so bad I left my safe haven and began to wonder the endless corridors of his fortress.

Freezing, absolutely, freezing, I should have slid on my shoes before I left but I hadn't thought about it. I should have taken a blanket or wrap with me but I hadn't thought of that either. All my mind could focus on was _it_ what I needed but… where? Where would I find it?

I had to leave.

I had to return to Tsubuya. I had to find that hopeful haze that could make all well again. That's what motivated me to find my way all the way to the gate that barricaded the fortress. It was so big, too large for me to push open myself so I found the ladder that allowed me to get to where the wheel was located but even then I could turn it enough for the doors to budge.

"Woman," I knew that softy yet stern voice that beckoned to me. That's why I was ever so reluctant to look over the edge to see him looking up at me, boredom plastered his flawless façade.

"What?" I was the one to scoff that time.

"What are you doing?" You fool, I could tell from his tone that was what should be added to the end of his question.

"Nothing."

He rolled his spheres before taking an ever so gentle leap off the ground to land, perfectly, next to me, "do you wish to leave?"

"Yes," _no_, I was just pulling at the door for no apparent reason.

"Opium," the word stung me the way he said it, so condescending.

"What?" I tried my best to play dumb, even if he did know of my addiction so what? Why would it matter if he thought less of me because of it? I wouldn't. I truly wouldn't.

He just nodded before raising his hand to brush a sweaty strand from my face, "pathetic."

"I cannot imagine what you are talking about," I stated before whacking his hand away. "Take me back to Tsubuya, now."

"Now?" Something very similar to a smirk appeared on his lips as he grabbed the hand I had hit his away with rather roughly, "I am the demon lord of the west, you are but a human, why would I have to answer to you?"

He had me there, but I still found the strength say with reasonable steadiness, "because I said so."

My answer must have amused him, because that thing similar to a smirk only grew before he lifted me in his arms. I felt he brisk, cruel, air crash against my skin to cause something close to frost bite before the air stilled and I could focus in on our surroundings.

A room, I think it was at the center of the place. The only way I could tell that was from the warmth, it could only be so nice in the center of it all. My head was spinning from the quick trip—I like to blame it on that, not the need—so when he put me down I almost fell. He caught me before I was able to regain my sense. My brown bangs in my face as I glanced up to him.

I'm glad I could amuse him with my weakness—not.

"Leave me be," I demanded as I pushed off, "let me return to—"

"You willingly came here, therefore, you took the room my servant gave to you," he began, "you will do as you are told. You will serve me."

"Why? I'm human, the only one here, why do you want a human here?"

He hardened up at that, his lips became pressed as his spheres moved over my body. I didn't think about it at the time, but later I'd have plenty of time to reflect on that question he never would give me an answer for, later I'd settle on this; he missed a human's presence. That girl Rin had grown on him, she was always there, and after her death he probably longed for something to replace that void. Like I longed for something to replace the gape Miroku left…

That's probably the only justification I can find for what would follow.

"You will not leave," he stated in a matter of fact tone before he tilted my chin up to look at him once more.

"I refuse to clean," I didn't even really do that for Miroku, and if I did he had to participate… was that what I did wrong? Was I not the proper wife? I bet _she_ would clean for him, cook for him, do all that a woman really ought to for her wife… whatever strong façade I was able to put forward vanished at that thought. An image of them intertwined came to me, haunted me, consumed me…

His hand had left my skin at some point, but I didn't notice until I was able to at least make the memory subside.

"Then we will have to find something else for you to do," apparently, I had the option of bargaining. I can't say that sounded very Lord like or very Sesshomaru like—not that I ever knew the demon. I would have thought he'd keep it up until he was able to force me into submission.

"What else is there to do?"

"Serve me," I rolled my mahogany marbles at that. How was that at all different than what I was originally brought there to do?

"Clean for you personally?" I muttered, "how is that—"

"I never said that," he interrupted, "just do as I say when I say."

"Like what?"

"Fetch me food when I say, things of that nature."

"Essentially become your personal slave? I refuse," I stated before turning towards the door to exit. He grabbed my wrist and pulled me to him before I could get very far. My back pressed against his abs when he took my other wrist.

"You haven't the right to," he breathed into my ear.

I truly, honestly, don't believe that either of us at that moment knew what we were getting ourselves into. I don't think that he was planning what eventually occurred; I don't think I was exactly either. I just knew that I wanted it to end… I wanted that image of them tangled together out of my head… it had been so long since I felt the warmth of another so close to me.

I leaned back into him ever so slightly and right away I could feel him tense up. That when a sly smirk brightened my lips. I could make the grand master stiffen such? By a simple touch? And such a subtle one, too. It was around then that I discovered my upper hand—did you think I was the lesser one in the relationship, or whatever it is we are? No, we're equals, in our own way.

I spun around to look up at his expressionless eyes, "Sesshomaru—"

"Sama," he added once more.

Alright, I smiled ever so slightly—wickedly—I'd give him that, "Sesshomaru-sama…"

_His robe was discarded completely to the side as he parted her milky thighs. With perfect rhythm he beat into her as she cried out –MirokumoreMiroku- and he replied –KagomedamnKagome-.._

I blinked and lost whatever façade had enchanted him into silence.

"What is it?" He inquire; what was he asking? What is it that I was about to say—I had forgotten. What is it that caused such an expression to surely be on my face? I wouldn't say. I'd never tell him.

"Demon slayer," he started, "I am addressing you."

"Nothing," I murmured before making a move to turn away but he grabbed me once more and pulled my front onto his.

Our eyes met—a similar need in them, a lonely need. That's when I think we both silently agreed to fill the other's void for the night.

I was the first to make a move; I think it pleased him that it unfolded like that. I kissed—no, pressed my lips—to his neck that sparked his clawed hand to part my kimono as the other untied what tied it together. I let my hands push his clothe over his shoulders, he wiggled it swiftly to drop below his arms to expose his most prized area—his chest. It was enough to make anyone want to do the most naughty of things.

I was a demon slayer at one point, so is it wrong that I eventually wound up under one? My clothes fully discarded before I was able to convince him—without a word—to do the same.

It was the first time he ever saw all of me, and I him, it was the first time anyone other than Miroku had seen me so exposed… I almost blushed, I was sure, I almost looked away instead of letting my sight move down to his lower extremity—it was the only the second I've ever seen.

The second to ever penetrate me.

The second to ever thrust into me.

The second to kiss—no, press his lips, lick his tongue—all about me.

The first to make me see an explosion of golden stars when I felt something amazing release me from my ache.

The first to make me scream like a savage for _moreSesshomarumore_.

**{**|**x**o**x**o**x**o**x**...**x**o**x**o**x**o**x**....**x**o**x**o**x**o**x**|**}**

_I'll take your pants, you take my hair, and let us dance  
And cheers to happy and depressed  
_

* * *

**A/N:** thank you for the reviews and enjoy!


	5. Erotic

**Chapter: Erotic  
**

_Remember that day? Right before the winter set in? I think if you love me even a little, it showed then. I don't think about that day often, I doubt you do. I remember the week that preceded that day better. I know you think about it, I can tell when you are staring into nothingness that sometimes your thoughts are pure but…_

_Erotic._

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It was only a few days after that night that he showed himself to me again. I woke up after that… experience, alone in his room. I wasn't pestered afterwards to do this or that; I guess sex was an even trade for a place to say. Wouldn't it be grand and romantic if I said that I was cured because of that night? That I needed have that aching, pulling, need to find my drug? I think it would, I think I would have liked that to be true, but it wasn't. I still wondered around aimlessly somehow hoping that one of the demons that was there had the drug I was looking for. Of course, none did. It was rater bothersome.

And even though I wasn't annoyed to do this or that, I wasn't allowed to leave no matter how much I protested. It was during one of those rants to the men at the gates that he showed himself again, his clawed fingers pinched to his arch as he came to me.

"Stop your screaming, human," he ordered with complete authority but I ignored him.

"I want to leave! You can't keep me here! Open those—!" I'm not so sure what happened then, I think someone hit me or something because the next thing I remember is waking in that familiar, warm, room.

"You are going to kill yourself, is that what you want?" He inquired without a care, as if it wouldn't matter if I did. Would it, Sesshomaru? Now? To you? I haven't a death wish; I'm not suicidal, but simply curious.

"No, what are you talking about?" I snapped back as I got up, my head was far too dizzy for me not to almost fall but he caught me.

"You are but a human yet you keep wondering around in the cold, wouldn't that cause illness in you weak creatures?" He asked as he held my chilly body against his warmth, I suppose it was involuntarily that I let myself fall into him more to allow the heat to fill me.

"I'm not as frail as you think."

"I doubt that."

I just rolled my eyes before pushing away, "why keep me here, hm? After all, I'm just a _weak_ human."

"Women," he scoffed, "demon or not your feelings are bothersome."

Again, I rolled my eyes but my back was to him so I doubt he noticed. I mocked him to myself, too.

"Stop that," he demanded.

"What?" I inquired as I turned around and folded my arms behind my back, "do you want me not to leave?"

If I had a fragile soul still I would have felt it break from the stare down he gave me but I didn't so I just stood there with my eyes locked with his, "you don't, do you?"

"I do not care," he assured as he turned to walk over to the desk at the far end of his master room. He knelt down at it then began to fiddle with a scroll that had already been there, "if you wish to leave then leave."

Oh, I hate it when he turns the tables like that but I couldn't give in right then, "will you have one of your servants take me back to Tsubuya?" I pondered as I took a few baby steps forward.

"No, that'd be a waste of time, I will give you the proper clothing so you can make the journey to the closest human village down the hill, if you would like," he countered, just barely looking up to me from the scroll. It was such a cocky glare that it made my blood sizzle, "what do you say, demon slayer?"

"I should slay you," I muttered to myself before kneeling down on the opposite side of his desk, "what are you doing?"

"Go fetch me tea," he ordered.

"No," I nearly squealed.

"That was the agreement, was it not? You would become my personal servant and you will be allowed to stay," he reminded as he lowered the scroll.

"I do not_ want_ to stay, I've decided I will only be here until the end of winter when I can get to the human village with ease," I decided with folded arms.

"Until then," he nodded, "do as I say."

"Or?"

"I will throw you out into the cold wilderness with nothing," he threatened and… I completely believed him but I had too much pride—though I shouldn't, what woman could say they had pride after catching their friend and husband in such a position? Somehow, I guess I managed to keep enough that I wouldn't submit to Sesshomaru's will.

"No."

"Then I suppose we have a problem at hand," he stated as his sharp, clawed fingers began to tap upon his desk over and over again, "you have a day to fix your attitude."

"You are a strange one, Sesshomaru -_sama_," I mumbled before getting up. I suppose that gave me a day to continue to be stubborn, but by night I'd have to give in because… I hadn't anywhere to go until the spring.

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Promptly when the night took the sky he showed up at my door, I was suffering from a bit of an episode at that point—the need, what can I say, it kept coming back. I might have thought you were eager for our encounter, eager for my answer, eager for what might occur between us if I had noticed how you showed right as the sun disappeared from the sky but I was too sidetracked with those nightmares that didn't stop haunting me even when I was awake.

See, that's why I needed my drug. It was wrong, improper, impure, but I needed it to make the bane of the betrayal disappear.

_She moan so silently it almost couldn't be heard as her knees almost gave way, she almost flagged him down but he wouldn't allow it, he just grunted her precious name –Kagome- and she was able to find the strength to keep her knees up, keep her hands posted on the ground, as his gripped his perfectly situated thighs. His body pounding into her from behind over and over again, causing the most blissful moan from both of them._

Want to know the saddest thing? All the nightmares were once moments I shared with my husband, it's just now I can only remember them with _her_ in them, with _her_ name being called.

He must have been there a while before I noticed the cool breeze summon me to look at my open door. He stood tall and motionless staring at me rather bitterly, did it hurt his feelings that I didn't notice him? If anything, I'm sure it only bothered his pride.

"Huh?"

His clawed hands fisted at my responds before he took a step into my room and slammed my door, "have you forgotten our argument?"

It took a moment too long for me to recall what he was speaking of, "oh, yes, _that_."

"That," he almost scoffed as he grabbed a wrist and pulled me to my knees before him, "what is your answer, woman?"

"Sango," I countered as I ripped my hand free, "it's _Sango_."

"What is your answer?"

I _almost_ dared to roll my eyes as him but instead I noticed what part of his entity I was by and that side tracked me, my gazes lingered there for a moment before I told myself to have some shame and look back up at him but, then again, I didn't want to look _up_ to him so I glanced to the side instead.

"What is your answer?" he swiftly repeated, "Sango-san." I think it might have killed him a little on the inside to call me by my name but it did get me to look up at him briefly.

"What is my answer?" I murmured as my hands rose up to his kimono, "what should my answer be?"

I doubt he expected it so quickly, because his entire body stiffened right away as I began to fiddle with his pants. I was glad I could make the all mighty Lord Sesshomaru lose his words, I even told him so which sparked a series of events I hadn't originally anticipated for that night but… I know he was.

His claws tore through my kimono; I was breathless when he had me against my futon nearly bare.

"You are a perverted man, Sesshomaru-sama," I taunted some, which beckoned his eyes to move away from my almost bouncy mountains.

"You are disobedient," he retorted while his lips lingered just above mine.

"Must you talk?" I criticized, causing his claws to graze their way from the top of my chest, through my valley, down my fault belly and to my nether region to taunt me back.

We didn't bother with words as I found a way to de-clothe him, he wasn't bashful about his body and I had to respect that for a moment. He was probably told by countless women that he was a beautiful man; I was only told by one man that I was and he cheated… so what did that say?

We didn't really bother with fooling around, we needn't kiss when there was no emotional attachment, his tongue just teased my neck down to my nipples—he worked on both before my hand reached down and grabbed his stiffness. He froze for only a second before my finger tips began to stroke his length. I knew what I was doing; Miroku adored such an action and requested it often. I knew how to tease right back; too, as I traced the tip—he bit me a little harder in retaliation.

It must be only because he didn't expect me to that I was able to grasp his hips within my thighs and flip him over. I wasn't a weakling; I'd prove that to him. I know he didn't like being on the bottom but I situated myself and went down before he could protest. It allowed me some time on top, first I took pain in working slowly, up and down then a close twirl every few times which brought a deep growl from his throat. When I felt his claws dig deeper into my hips, drawing some blood, I knew he was going to try and flip me.

I countered it by speeding up by gridding against him.

It only bought me a little more time before he guided me with my strokes to spin around on him until my back was in his view. Looking back, I should have known what he was up to but I was too enchanted with the sensations each new twirl or grind brought me that I let it go. He gripped me once more before he switched to his knees and pushed me forward onto my hands and knees.

I let out a moan, probably the loudest I've ever given as he began his assault. He never let me be too far from his warmth, he kept me close until I could take no more and tightened around him to meet my hazy ecstasy that no other man, no drug, could grant me.

I was too high to fully comprehend when he came after me.

That wasn't the last time we fought for dominance over the other that night.

It was only the first time that week, we made a silent agreement that night—I suppose—that he could come to my room each night and—almost always without a word—we would reenact what occurred the night before over and over again.

By day, though, I'd often come bother you as you worked at whatever it is that you do at your desk. I suppose even a demon lord has actual work to do.

But, like I said, that was the week before he came back.

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_Hug me 'til you drug me, honey, hug me  
Drug me 'til you love me, honey, love me any...Wait. Wait  
_

**A/N:** once again, thanks for the reviews and enjoy.


	6. Closure

**Chapter: Closure**

_Winter was just about to set in, I think. Our routine was set in stone by then, you and me night after night. I enjoyed it more than I thought I would, you did too, you don't have to tell me. I know. I wonder what would've happen if… if he hadn't come back. I don't know if I'd be better off. I didn't get any…_

_closure._

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Midday was always the worst, I hadn't anything to do. Usually, I'd go bother you but… I just didn't feel like it so I wondered about your massive mansion in a good amount of clothing so I wouldn't freeze. It was pretty amusing, how much you fretted over that happening. Was that because you cared or because you think I was just a weak mortal? Oh, Sesshomaru, you confusing man.

"Get," I heard a malice filled man order at the gates, "get now, human."

"Wait, just allow me—"

The world came crashing down upon me then… I knew that voice, I knew it too well…

"Leave."

My mind told my feet to stop but they didn't, I just kept walking towards the gate until I could see him. The monk… the bastard… my husband. He saw me at the same time I saw him, his face went blank… what the hell was he doing there? How the hell did he find me? I am sure I had quite the look on my face as I stomped over to him, raised my hand higher than I ever have before to him then let it crash down upon his cheek. Perhaps that time the mark would never fade. I hoped so.

He took it, he knew he deserved it, it took him a few moments to recover to look back at me—well, if you can call it that. It was more like he turned his face to me but his eyes avoided mine at all coast. Coward.

"What do you want, Miroku?" I asked with an acidic edge. I was too stunned, too stupid, before to scold him like I should have when I first caught him. I wouldn't hold back then, though. "Go to hell."

"Sango…" I hated hearing him say my name. I hated it so much. "I deserve that and so much more… let me—"

"What?" I snapped, "how could you possibly have a justification? Go back to your whore."

He pressed his lips together before he managed to speak to me again, "I am so sorry I hurt you… Sango, I have no excuse for my actions."

"How long?" I hissed, "how long were you two screwing behind my back? How _could_ you? How could _she_? I don't give a damn that she lost Inuyasha to Naraku, I lost Kohaku, you don't see me going and stealing from her. I can't believe that she called herself my friend why she was screwing you! How could you come back to our home after you fucked her?! How could you call me your wife!? You beast! You two…" I shook my head, "in the forest? What if someone saw? Do you know how humiliating that would be for me? Did you even care!?"

"S-Sango," his brows furrowed as he finally looked to me, "I—"

"Need to leave," Sesshomaru finished, I hadn't even noticed that he had appeared behind me. Suddenly, the situation seemed so much more bearable.

"I," he stuttered back, "I just want to—"

"Leave," Sesshomaru repeated.

"Who are you to intrude—?"

"Who are you to argue with him?" I snickered, "it is his home. If he wants you to leave you should."

"S-Sango," why did you look so surprised that I would take anyone's side but yours?

"Do you remember all those times I called you a lecherous monk?" I inquired, he meekly nodded, "I was wrong. You a far worse than a lecher and don't merit even the word monk being placed anywhere near your name. Go to hell and take your whore with you."

I took a few steps back. I could feel my back against Sesshomaru's abs, as the gates closed on the wide-eyed bastard.

As soon as I could no longer see him my body began to shake far too much. I was getting better… I think. I was moving on… I think. Why did he have to show up? Gods, what a bastard. He couldn't leave bad enough alone? He had to make it worst?

Then Sesshomaru gripped my upper arms to hold me closer, it stopped the shaking, "I… I'm fine."

He didn't say anything as he led me away from the gates and into his spacious room, the warm place that it was. He sat me down on his futon; I was comatose sitting there until the sun started to fade behind the mountains all the way. It took me some time after I snapped out of it to look over to see that Sesshomaru had not left—at least I don't think so—but instead had just stayed and done some work.

"Sesshomaru…"

"Sesshomaru-sama," he corrected, as always, what an ass.

I rolled my eyes and held back a sigh, "Sesshomaru-sama."

"Yes?"

"Thank you."

That got him to briefly look up at me from whatever it is a demon lord does but that was only for a second or two before he returned his cold gaze to the scrolls before him. "The monk cheated," he surmised, "I have to admit I wonder what led you to Tsubuya."

I refused to comment, so I simply folded my arms and looked away. Miroku, do you have any idea what your infidelity did to my pride? I was a demon slayer, I was one of the best out there, we are a prideful bunch by nature. I gave that life up for you, you dirty man-whore, and you repay me by… I stop thinking about it. I don't want another false memory of the two of you to pop up.

"Go to sleep."

"Why?" I nearly hissed, I hadn't a reason to be mad at you… I just took it out on you that night. You know that, right, Sesshomaru?

"You look pale."

I might have lied down but that doesn't mean I ever got to sleep that night… I know you didn't either.

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I don't know what made me think it was a good idea… I don't know why I left. It was so stupid. It was _so_ cold; I think I got frost bite on my fingertips by the time I reached the village at the bottom of the hill from where Sesshomaru resided. I hadn't thought things through, I hadn't money to check into an inn… so what was I planning?

Why did I leave?

Was it shame…? Because you figured it out, why would you waste your time on a mortal when you hate them so... when not even a monk would stay faithful to me?

I don't know. I was distraught, I suppose, that's the best answer I can come up with.

"Sango," or maybe I just wanted to see him again… even if my pride told me I didn't.

I bit my bottom lip as I turned slightly to see my first love. We didn't spare anymore words until we got into his inn room and warmed up from the chill. I couldn't look at him. He couldn't look at me. I was disgusted with myself. Were you disgusted with yourself, Miroku?

You better have been.

"I love you," I wanted to vomit, "I… I… I will spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you. it was a mistake, it only happened a few times—"

"A _few_?" I jeered as I glared over to him; he winced at the heat behind my eyes.

"Three times… I swear, just three… that doesn't make it better. I'm sorry. I am so sorry, Sango, I… I have no excuse." He placed his hands down on the ground then bowed so he forehead met the back of his hands, "I truly am. I beg you to… at least think about giving me another chance. Please, I cannot live without you, Sango. I have been looking everywhere for you. Please, Sango."

What is wrong with me? _What_ is it about him that makes what should be as cold as the climate about us thaw?

"Why…?" I meekly mumbled, "why did you do it then, Miroku?"

"I… she was so beside herself over the lost of Inuyasha. I just wanted to make her feel better… It shouldn't have gone that far, I don't know why I did… I… Sango, I am so sorry. I don't love her," he assured me as he finally raised his head so he could glance at me, "I only love you… I know it is wrong to say that after what I have done but… I swear, I _swear_, on everything holy to me, on my father's grave," that did catch my attention, "I will never see her again if you allow me back into your life. I swear I will do everything and anything in my power to be a better husband, a better man. I can never be the man you deserve; you deserve so much more than me… but… Sango, I truly love you."

I don't know… maybe it was because it looked like he was about to cry that I moved over to be right beside him. Maybe it was because I took from his story that it was all _her_ fault, that she had seduced him. Maybe it is just because my heart had never fully blamed him. Maybe it's because he was my first love, that we had been through so much together. Whatever the reason, it wasn't a good one. It was a foolish one.

But… who can say they do the logically thing always? Particularly when a fragmented heart is involved.

He was the one to lean forward so our lips would meet. I was the one to part them, though.

We warmed each other's frozen bodies the best way we knew how to that afternoon…

Did I hurt you feelings that day, Sesshomaru-sama?

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_I swear I've seen that face somewhere  
It's the very face I fell for in the human race._

_

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_

**A/N**: sorry for the belated update. It's winter break now so I'll be able to update more often. Thanks for the reviews, thanks for reading, and hope you enjoyed.


	7. Mess

_I suppose, looking back, I'm sorry I did that. I never thought you'd react like… like _that_ but… well, he was my husband, granted, a terrible one, but mine nevertheless. It's not like I was _yours_. You never wanted me, you never said you did, at least. If you did, maybe we wouldn't have gotten ourselves in such a…_

_Mess._

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I woke up before Miroku did the following morning. It wasn't until then that I decided I was a complete and utter _fool. _What was I doing? Was I going to go back to him after all that had happened? But… where else did I have to go? He was my husband; I love him, well… I did, did I still? He broke my heart… but he was the first man I ever gave it to. Could I ever really get it back? Could I ever really give it to another? Could I trust again?

It was just too much; the room was suffocating so I put on my clothes and went out for a walk about the inn to try and gather my senses. Miroku… you always have this drug like affect on my mind, I never do the smartest thing when you're around. I surely would not have given myself to anyone else under such circumstances… I shouldn't really have with you, should I?

"Woman," I froze right away, I knew that scoff of a voice all too well. I didn't even have to turn around to verify it, but I did. There stood Lord Sesshomaru, leaning against the wall ever so irked, his molten golden gaze fixated on me.

"Se-Sesshomaru?"

"I'm surprised you made it all the way down here without freezing to death," he grumbled.

"You don't give me enough credit," I sassed back, "I'm stronger than you think."

"And stupider," his gaze moved to the inn then back to me, "you are going to return to your husband I assume? You reek of him, after all."

Is that why he seemed so very annoyed? More so than usual? He could smell what I had done? It's not like it was a betrayal… right? It's not like that… then why did I kind of feel like it was as my eyes avoided his? "Sesshomaru…"

"Sama."

"Sesshomaru-sama," I murmured, "I'm sorry but—"

"You haven't any honor if you return to him, not the caliber that I thought you possessed."

"You have no idea what you are talking about!" I shouted as I advanced towards him to perhaps… slap him? I don't know what I was thinking, he grabbed my wrist before I got the chance and pulled my chilled body against his warmth and grabbed my other wrist before I could protest. Our face was so close that there was no avoiding his hard stare, that death grip that it was… I just wasn't thinking, I don't know what's wrong with me… but I leaned forward and kissed him. _Kissed_ him. We never kissed; our lips might have met the others flesh but I wouldn't have ever called it kissing…

What shocked me the most? Instead of pushing me away, cursing at my stupidity, and leaving… he pulled me closer and pried open my lips so his tongue could invade. I don't know if you love me, Sesshomaru, and I don't know if I love you, but I doubt both of them. I think I'm highly infatuated with you and you with me. I could lie, I could say I love you, I could say I'm sorry for what I did with Miroku, that I'd make it up to you but… I was taught to be an honest person by my father and I would not disappoint him… not on that, I might not have followed the 'no mingling with demons' rule and a few other but I could still be honest.

He switched our position so that I was the one pressed against the building; I wrapped my arms around his neck.

I suppose I know one thing. I don't want to go back to Miroku if I found more joy by letting Sesshomaru's tongue ravish me than I did my husband. So, I suppose I should have thanked Sesshomaru for enlightening me on that.

"S-Sango?"

That stuttered call got us to break away from each other; I knew who it was before I turned my head to see the stunned monk. With a small glance to the side I saw Sesshomaru had decided to give Miroku his infamous death glare instead of me.

"Miroku…" I dragged out before looking back at him, "I don't think… I can forgive you."

He opened his mouth to say something but the puzzlement etched into his façade just deepened as his gaze migrated between me and Sesshomaru.

"She's coming back with me," Sesshomaru stated rather firmly—I wasn't about to argue with it, either. "She is in my debt until the end of the winter."

Really, since when?

"W… Sango?" Miroku murmured again.

"You made your choice when you slept with Kagome, go back to her," I nearly hissed. I was more than glad when Sesshomaru tightened his grip around me to take me far, far, far away from my past… from the temptation.

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For a week Sesshomaru didn't summon me to him, for a week I didn't get much more than a glance at him as he walked about, for a week I was more than she he hated me with a deep, deep passion. Then… if he hated me so much for my infidelity—no, it wasn't that since I was never officially with Sesshomaru—then that meant he was jealous, right? And if he was jealous that meant he had to care, right? Or was I just looking too deep into it and he was just simply very, very busy for a week?

Then you finally came to my room, stepped in and slammed the door shut. You had fire in your eyes as he grasped me and pushed me down upon the futon, his lips met mine before he began to free me from my yukata. I took that as a sign to undo his overly complicated kimono.

"Your mine," he growled, "do you understand?"

"What's that entail, exactly?" I couldn't help but protest as I pushed him away the best I could, which was only an inch or so.

"You can't return to your husband, you can only submit to me," he stated before he pushed my hands away from his chest so he could pry open my thighs and enter without giving me any time whatsoever to think things through or even come up with a responds.

I was lost in the sensation… our rhythm was splendid, and he really gave it his all—as if trying to prove something. I'm not sure what it was but he sure did prove himself, he pounded in with more force than usual but not enough to really hurt me and.. oh, he found my sweet spot earlier than usual and took great pleasure in hitting it each and every time as his tongue made its assault upon my breasts.

As the tension increased I arched towards him more and more with each thrust, I let my hands intertwine in his arm more and breath quicken. I could feel the knot of need almost explode until… fuck, he stopped. Not stop-stop but slowed down to taunt me.

"You agree?" He growled.

"Agree?" I muttered without any breath.

"Your mine."

I refused to say anything back until it felt as if he would stop all together so I grasped my hands in his hair and pulled him closer, "yes!"

"Yes?" he coaxed as he sped up some.

"Yes!"

_Finally_, he gave me that release. Finally… I was his?

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_I can't lie, I was brainwashed to be honest  
In this brave new world that slowly passes by_


	8. Mine

_I was his after that… for the entire winter, all his and I didn't care. I was even a little… happy about that. Sesshomaru, you never once beckoned for another woman, you never did anything wrong. You didn't say it, I didn't say it, but I'm fairly positive this was true. I was yours, and you were…_

_mine.  
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I became very skilled at manipulating the situation over winter to make it _seem_ as if it was Sesshomaru's idea to do this or that when it was really mine. As long as he thought it was his, he did it. It didn't matter what it was it could be as small as what we should eat to something as grand as which of his many loyal followers should go do this or that for him. I usually didn't meddle in his 'Lord' activities but I've grown accustom to them and those scrolls he often looks at throughout the day. Truly, who would have thought a demon lord would act like any other? I thought it was just a title, I never knew it came with actual responsibility. Sesshomaru, the demon lord of the west, like his father… like Inuyasha's father.

Sometimes I think about him, if he hadn't died than… _that_ would never have happened. I was stupid, I was selfish, to blame him for all of my problems like I did. I was foolish to think that fault lied with him instead of Miroku and _her_—the harlot. It's true, I think, that if Inuyasha had not passed that him and his whore would have stayed together and me and my man-whore would still be. I doubt we would have started that family that he wanted so badly, though, since I was with Sesshomaru all winter and never became with child—what's wrong with me?

_Not_ that I wanted a child with Sesshomaru, really, I didn't. Half-demons had hellish lives, look at Inuyasha. I wouldn't want my child to suffer through that. I'm sorry, Inuyasha, for all the cruel things I have thought about you since you died. You were honorable, you protected all of us, you helped kill Naraku, you were a good person. I'm sorry you are gone, not because of self-centered reasons any longer, but because you were a friend, one I cherished.

"You are very quiet," Sesshomaru beckoned from across his spacious room, I had been lingering on his futon since I began to bother him early that morning—like every other morning. Like always, he was working on something and after a while I gave up and just rested. I was still a bit tired from the night before's activities...

"So?" He usually liked it when I was like that, he often told me to be silent, to stop bothering him, to go away throughout the day—though, I know he didn't actually want me to leave. Once, I tested that theory and after I pestered him a _great_ deal that day I got him to say—with malice, too—'leave me be, woman!' and with that I scoffed something and headed towards the door only for him to stop me. Just like I thought, he didn't really want me to leave. I'm not sure how I broke the barrier that surrounded the ice-cold demon, I never meant to, but as the winter faded apparently so did it.

Do you know what I really think? Little Rin-chan had done that, she softened it so that all I had to do was flick at it with my fingers and it would shatter. Should I be thankful for that, I suppose but… do I really care that Sesshomaru cares—as much as _he_ can—about me? Do I care for him? So he is mine and I am his but does that mean we are in love? I don't think so. Does it mean that we want to spend the rest of our lives together? No, for many reasons, but mostly because my life is just a flicker compared to his.

"It is strange, that is all," he replied in his usual detached, monotone, voice. "What is it that you are thinking about so intently?"

Since when did he care? But with a sigh I rolled over onto my side to look at the stoic man that was staring at whatever work he had in hand. I wonder how he would react… "Inuyasha."

That got his eyes to snap up to me right away, much to my surprise, but no emotion entered his words, "why?"

"I miss him," his similar golden gaze glanced around my face until they stayed locked with mine, "do you?"

"No, his own foolishness sealed his death. He should have known better than to care for a mortal," he stated simply before returning to his work.

Oh, ouch, that actually _stung_ so I suppose… that meant I cared? If it hurt to think that he didn't care for me, a _mortal_, then I must care, huh? I guess that's a good thing, I'd be a shallow person if I just kept up a physical relationship with him instead of deepening it to an emotional one. Wouldn't anyone form a bit of an attachment to someone that they did such things with? "Hm, is that so?"

"Yes."

"Sesshomaru-sama," I dragged out, mockingly, like I always did, "you could have saved him."

With his sword, he knew what I meant but refused to look up to me as he answered, "I was nowhere near the scene. I had no idea he was dead until days later, it was too late then."

"So you would have if you could have?" I surmised as I got to my feet and walked over to kneel down beside him, "you cared for him, just a little bit, didn't you?"

"No," he stated firmly.

"I think you did," I taunted.

"I did not," he retorted as he turned his head to look at me, actual annoyance written upon his face.

"If you say so," I sighed, "I miss my brother, it is normal to—"

"You are a foolish human," he scoffed, "of course you do."

I just rolled my eyes at that, "you are a terrible person."

"Fine."

"You are alright with that?"

"Yes."

I shook my head lightly before I pressed his buttons further, "I suppose you aren't _that_ bad, you cared for Rin-chan—"

"Be silent," he hissed.

"The great demon lord Sesshomaru, caring for a little _mortal_ girl," I emphasized, my eyes wondering anywhere but at his hard face, "that does not seem very—"

"You are quite possibly the world's worst demon slayer," he jabbed with a snarl, "you belong to one when you should be killing them. That little girl," Rin, could he not even say her name? "was nothing more than…" you don't know what to say, do you, Sesshomaru-'sama'? "A pet, just like you are nothing more than a means for entertainment, do not think you can speak as if we are equals."

I held back a wince before I glared back at him but… how could I argue with most of that when it was true? I am with a demon when I should be slaying him, I just… changed. I wonder, father, how you'd feel about all of this. I was programmed to be a demon slayer but here I am, running from that. Doing the exact opposite, actually... I was even loyal to Sesshomaru-sama all winter, just him, it's a bit ironic, huh? My family raised me like that, to be loyal to them, to my fellow slayers, and one day… a husband but he hadn't been faithful to me so I ran, again.

"A pet?" I mused; I could retort to that one, at least, "I do not see you as my master."

"That is not my problem," he assured me.

"Fine," I sassed as I stood up, "do you want to know what I think of you, Sesshomaru-_sama_?"

"No, not really," he said with complete indifference as if, truly, it did not matter.

"You are a miserable man," I told him anyway, "you live a pathetic life. Perhaps you are a lord, perhaps you have loyal followers, perhaps you have power but do you know what happiness is? Have you ever actually loved anyone? _Anything_? Has anyone ever loved you? No, am I right? You are a sad demon, Sesshomaru-_sama_, and you will forever live a life that means nothing. You will be remembered as a fearful, powerful, demon—congratulations!—but who will miss you when you are gone? No one, won't all those 'loyal' followers rejoice when you die because you are _such_ a bastard? Ha, see, look how pathetic!"

He didn't flinch at anything I said, he just kept staring back at me until I was finished with my rant, "who will care now once you die?"

I lost my breath… I hadn't thought he could… say something that would actually pierce me so painfully. I felt a familiar sting in my eyes as I pressed my lips together, turned, and left without a word… because he was right… _who_ would?

**{**|**x**o**x**o**x**o**x**...**x**o**x**o**x**o**x**....**x**o**x**o**x**o**x**|**}**

I wondered outside his vast estate into the forest that surrounded the back half of it that night instead of lingering anywhere near him, anywhere he could find me. Like hell I was going to be in my room when he came to find me that night… if he wanted to bother with that. Winter was all but gone, all I needed was a wrap to drape over my shoulders as I strolled around and I'd be fine. The sky was clear, the stars shined bright along with the full moon to illuminate my trek…

My brother was gone, my family and… I hadn't one to replace them like I had hoped. I thought that once Naraku was gone that I would be with Miroku, that we would start a family of our own to replace the void we both shared. Yet… that didn't work. I felt a few tears slid down my cheek as I finally stopped my long journey deeper and deeper into the forest to lean against a rather ancient tree. My shoulders shook as my silent sobs took me while I slid down the trunk so I could sit upon the dirty floor.

I missed Kohaku, my father, my friends… I had nothing to replace them. I hadn't even friends now. Everything was gone. I… why must I go on? This isn't fair, I have nothing to aspire to now.

Maybe… I should leave and return to the career I had been trained for? Maybe, then, I would be able to feel better, feel as if I had something to live for?

"Yes, I should do that," I whispered weakly to myself as I whipped away the tears and took a shaky breath in. That way I would be able to honor my family, my village, my profession.

That way I would be far, far away from _that_ bastard of a man—no, demon, he's not really a man at all. It's not because he thinks of me as nothing more than a 'means for entertainment' that I can't seem to stop the tears from fall, it's not because he doesn't care… it really isn't, don't think that… It's because what he said was true... that's all...

It's because I have nothing.

I closed my eyes and took another breath in, I let the air fill my burning lungs, before I clasped my hands together and leaned my forehead against them to do something I haven't in such a long time… pray. I prayed to the gods for my family's sake, for my friend's, for Inuyasha's, for… mine.

"Please," I whispered to whatever god was listening—if any happened to be, "what is there do so now?"

Shall I be brave? Shall I break away from the safe niche I had formed with Seshomaru…? I don't want to stay near him anymore, I just really, really don't…

I felt the chilly night breeze blow my hair around, woosh through the leaves that had just started to return to the trees, and then opened my eyes to see a beautiful butterfly float right by in front of me. I smiled, was that my answer? Was that a sign? I let my gaze follow it as it flew through the forest, farther and farther away from Sesshomaru's home.

It seemed to glow, to illuminate my way. I understand, thank you, gods.

**{**|**x**o**x**o**x**o**x**...**x**o**x**o**x**o**x**....**x**o**x**o**x**o**x**|**}**

_I'm a girl learning to act as planned  
I was programmed to be Catholic but I ran  
I changed my race, I changed my name  
I prayed to them, "Please, what is brave"  
I am loyal because I was simply raised that way_


	9. You

_It was a sign from the gods, I was so sure of it, that simple beautiful butterfly… I wonder how you took it. I'd like to imagine you didn't take my sudden disappearance well but at the same time I don't know if I can con myself into believing it. A year… life seems so mundane when you look back on it. At least that's how I feel. That entire time I was away my thoughts were only were only of…_

_You  
_**{**|**x**o**x**o**x**o**x**...**x**o**x**o**x**o**x**....**x**o**x**o**x**o**x**|**}**

A year faded by, I'd like to say it was in a 'blink' of the eye but it wasn't. I didn't. it was a long, drawn out, experience. My first stop, it took weeks to accomplish this, too, but I finally managed to return to my village where I hadn't been in far too long. I left all my demon slaying gear there when I decided to settle down and start a family with that maddening monk of mine—well, not mine… not anymore. _Anyway_. I lingered at the ruins of my village for a week, praying at my family's grave—Kohaku's the most—everyday almost throughout the entire day. I prepped myself to prepare for what I should have never given up on. I was the last demon slayer, after all, I should not have given up the profession. It was wrong of me.

I retrieved my proper wardrobe, my loyal pink and green yukata, my leather demon slaying suit and amour. My dear Hiraikotsu and all my other weapons before I left to do as the gods had told me to do… I returned to slaying. It took me a whole, a month or two, to get back into the groove of things but then I was just as good as I ever was. Better, if I do say so myself, because I hadn't anything to hold me back anymore. I didn't fear death—would I welcome it, though? I didn't have any companions I cared for to worry about. I didn't have family to fret about. It was just me and my darling Kirara.

It shocked me beyond belief that once I reached my village it was almost as if Kirara was waiting for me, how could I have abandon my most loyal friend? I begged her for forgiveness and she gave it to me, like the sweetheart she was. So, I wasn't really loyal on my travels and I wasn't alone in my battles. Kirara was the only one I never had to worry about, she was a demon herself and more than capable of taking care of any problem we faced.

It was just like old times, I moved from village to village fighting demons—for the most part nothing but insignificant ones or small hordes of weaklings—but it was nice. I had a place to stay each night and warm food waiting for me. Life was easy, sort of. It was…

I… I missed Sesshomaru. I tried my best not to, to fight the feeling but I always failed when I was lying on whatever my bed was for the night—the forest floor, a set of sheets in a hut, if I was lucky a futon—and then my heart—no, no, my head—would remind me of him. He was a true bastard if there ever was one, the cruelest man I've ever met, and a _demon_ but… I don't know what it was about him that had grasped me so…

A part of me, a weaker part of me I hate to admit even exists, yearned that one day he would come to me. One day h would seek me out, scoff about me leaving, and then order me back to him. Would I go? Perhaps… perhaps I would. I'd like to think it would be a starch 'no' but it wouldn't. It would be a shaky one at best… but he never came looking for me. What did that say?

Miroku, my lecherous husband—I can't say he's my ex, we never officially ended it—even came looking for me after he cheated! So why couldn't Sesshomaru set aside whatever 'important' work he had to search for me? At least send a henchman! It's insulting, really.

See, I told you, I have a weak mind to think like that. The only one who knew of my thoughts was Kirara and she listening and purred along accordingly as I bickered about it to her night after night.

**{**|**x**o**x**o**x**o**x**...**x**o**x**o**x**o**x**....**x**o**x**o**x**o**x**|**}**

"Thank you for taking care of me," I always said with a respectful bow of my head before I left whatever village I happened to stay at. This time it was the head of the village and his wife that saw me off, they were a very sweet old couple, I envied them so… was I just not meant for love? I suppose, how cruel…

"Please take care," the woman requested with her own bow.

"If you must travel through the forest, Sango-san, please avoid the middle of it. Travel around that."

"Oh?" Now that peeked my interested as I stood up and cocked my head to the side lightly as I boringly held my hands together in front of me, "may I ask why? Is there a demon problem?'

"Oh, no, Sango-san," the misses replied with a small laugh. "It is just there is a rather rude water goddess that lurks in the lake in the middle of the forest. She's just a bother more than anything, we give her the proper offerings and she has never been a problem for our village."

"She's the jealous type, that one," the village head scoffed some, "she does not like pretty people so to have you walking by her home would sure spark her furry."

"Thank you for the warning," I nodded once more, a smile lacing my lips all the while. I… I'm not very smart anymore. I don't know why—was it brave to always do the most dangerous action or just flat out ill planned? Either way, I disregarded their advice and went straight through the forest. Kirara tried to talk me out of it a few times, well, as much as she could. She purred and brushed against my ankle a few times to try and get me to follow her around the middle, why should we take the less direct route to… to? I don't know where I'm going. I just like the thrill I get from an encounter from any type of danger.

It's the only way I know I'm still alive.

When I heard the water flowing I knew I was close so I grasped my trusted weapon tighter as I walked into view of the luscious and large lake. In the midst of it all, much to my surprise—I've seen a great deal of things but never _that_—was a castle made out of water. The walls flowed and moved… it was the oddest thing. I couldn't help but stop and gawk at it for a moment before I began around the lake. I was halfway there, thinking that the two old couple were just jerking me around, before I heard a lyrical voice beckon me.

I turned my head slightly to see a woman with flowing, dusty blue hair, and a kimono that reminded me of nothing but icicles right there. Her fists firmly upon her hips as she narrowed her eyes upon me. Was I supposed to be scared?

"Have you brought me an offering?" She inquired in her almost echo-ish voice.

I just shook my head.

"How dare you venture into my home without bring me an offering!" She shrieked as she raised one of her hands, a pillar of water weaved its way towards me. It took no effort whatsoever to swirl out of its path. I think that only made her madder, though, since her shrill scream broke out again before she began to bombard me with water. I was able to block the attacks with either my Hiraikotsu or dodged them with my wonderful skills.

Well, I suppose I boast too much because… in the end, much to my dismay, I was struck in the head by the attack and no matter how hard I tried I could not break free from the water bubble that locked itself onto me. The last thing I heard was Kirara's roar as the burning of my lungs tore at me until… until the darkness came.

**{**|**x**o**x**o**x**o**x**...**x**o**x**o**x**o**x**....**x**o**x**o**x**o**x**|**}**

"Uh…" I heard myself grumble as I rolled around on the strangest fluid floor I've ever been on. It took a great deal of effort but I finally managed to open my eyes to see nothing but water walls surrounding me. It took a moment or two but then I figured out where I must be… inside that goddess castle. I suppose I should be grateful she didn't kill me… I sighed all the same as I sat up, the floor moving down slightly, it irked me as I hit it with a grunt only to have my actions bounce me back.

"Stupid thing," I scolded with another huff before I noticed I wasn't alone in the room. I should have picked up on the demon's presence sooner, stupid me! I spun around rather awkwardly and reached for my weapon that was no longer there. My stern warrior façade faded in an instant as I awed at the man that sat with his back to the wall instead. His glare lazily upon me… "S… Sesshomaru…?"

"Sesshomaru-sama," oh my lord! Even at a time like this he is correcting me? What a narcissist, honestly.

"Sesshomaru-_sama_," I bickered back but my attempt at a irked stance failed because of the way the floor function and I almost capsized instead.

"Stop moving around," he ordered swiftly, "it is bothersome."

I opened my mouth to protest yet couldn't find why, I did agree with him so I took great care in sitting down against the wall across from him. "What are you doing here?" I inquired instead.

He just shut his eyes instead, asshole.

Then the headmaster's words returned to me, "I suppose you are pretty…"

He cocked a brow and eyes flew open rather quickly at that.

"Someone warned me that the water goddess that resides here hates it when pretty people pass by… did she get pissed at you? What are you doing here anyway?"

"It is very close to my castle," he retorted swiftly. Was it? Hm… even though I stayed there for an entire winter I often couldn't recall where it was located. I was in such a haze in that time of my life that it was all a blur.

I couldn't help but smile all the same and let out a small laugh as I covered my mouth.

"What?" he scoffed sourly.

"It's just funny," I said as I lowered my hand, "the great demon lord Sesshomaru was captured by a goddess and is now being held prisoner." In a room that apparently hadn't any doors, I would assume that Sesshomaru had tried everything he could to get out so any of my human attempts would be useless. It is strange, I hadn't seen him in a year and yet here we are, both captures of a greedy goddess.

"Very amusing," he narrowed his eyes upon me, "and what about you?"

"I'm but a human," I protested, still with the same smile—I hadn't smiled like this in so long… why was I? For him? Just because I saw him? Just because he's near? "My specialty is with demons, not goddess."

"Yet you intentionally came this way?"

He had me there; I pressed my lips together and looked away. Silence swept about us for so very long… I felt as if I was going to fall asleep again—I couldn't tell from the water walls what time it was at all. I could not tell if the very weak blue light was from the sun or the moon. I began to lean more to one side than another before his voice snapped me back.

"You returned to demon slaying," it wasn't as much as question as a statement. His eyes had been upon me off and on the entire time, sometimes I caught him bluntly staring at me with his stern and uncaring gaze and other times his eyes were closed. Such a strange man…

"Uh-huh."

"Why?" He seemed to have debated whether to ask me or not, there was uncertainty in the great demon lord's voice and a small smile found its way to my lips because of that.

"That night I left…" I still remember the conversation we had so well, word by word, and the impact it had on me. Still, sometimes when I look back to think about it I feel nothing but a piercing pain in my heart. I hadn't changed a thing, really, still no one would really care if I died… no one would bury my body at my village with the rest of my family like I wanted. Still I had no one to love but dear Kirara, I felt my smile fade to a frown as I looked to the corner of the room lightly. "I was given a sign by the gods to return to slaying. It is my family's practice and it was wrong of me to give it up. I was weak… it was pathetic of me. But I'm not like that anymore… I'm stronger."

"You haven't returned to opium," again, it was a statement, as if he knew so much about me without even asking. Did my scent tell him that or did the way I acted? Opium… ugh, that was an embarrassing part of my past. "You are a fool."

"You are an impossible man," I bickered back as I glared to him. Still, he was able to keep such a cool façade.

"What sign did the gods give you? Only foolish mortals would think of such a thing," he griped as he closed his eyes and… hand clenched in a fist? What the hell? I shouldn't be making him mad, I hadn't said anything rude.

"It's personal," I protested as I closed my eyes. He wouldn't understand, no one would in less they say the way that butterfly glowed and slowed before me to catch my attention and lead it away from his castle.

"Foolish mortal," he grunted again.

"You are such a cruel man," I sassed. "What? You would have rather stay with you at your castle and do nothing with my _mortal_ life but be your toy? You were right! No one would care if I died and it would not have changed if I stayed there! I had to leave, I had to make something of my life! I had to do something or else I would have gone mad!"

I hated it that I felt the sting of tears in my eyes as I shut them. The floor moved some before I heard a woosh and a wicked laugh. That forced me to blink back the tears and look to see that Sesshomaru had stood up but his head was turned to the women that had somehow entered the room. The gorgeous giddy goddess' eyes were locked intimately with Sesshomaru's.

"Have you reconsidered my proposal, Sesshomaru-sama?" She inquired as she seemed to glide over to him, her hand rose up to his face but he smacked it away. "You will regret that," she growled.

"I have put up with your idiocy long enough," he retorted, "release me now or I will kill you. Goddess or not."

"Sesshomaru-sama," her laugh was a shrill one, "you're will _will_ be broken eventually."

"You only have one more moment," he warned.

"Women," she muttered as she looked over to me and flicked her hand in my direction, "leave. This is private."

A portal opened up in the wall behind me and the next thing I knew I was sucked out of it and into the lake. I hadn't had a breath of air before that happened so I frantic to make it to the surface and gasp for some. I waded beside the wall of the castle but I couldn't see in, the water as dark as the sky, what was she going to do to Sesshomaru?

"Kirara!" I gleamed as my friend flew to me. I grasped onto her fur so I could get out of the water and onto her back, "we have to help Sesshomaru." She growled, "I know, he's bothersome, but—" the next thing I knew the water castle collapsed into the water. I gasped, "Sesshomaru!?"

What just happened? I panicked as Kirara flew above the lake then I saw him pop back up to the surface and head towards the bank. It was a rather funny sight, I couldn't help but press my lips together and try and to hold back my laughter but once I reached the banks and got out in his soaking kimono I couldn't hold it back any longer and let it out fully as Kirara landed beside him. I slide off her as I held my stomach and almost fell to my knees.

"What… happened?" I inquired between fits before I could find my breath again and brush a tear away from my eye to see that he was giving me one hell of a look, I think it took a great deal of restraint for him not to kill me right there and then. After all, I doubt very many laugh at Lord Sesshomaru and live to talk about it. For a moment I was warmed by Kirara's flames as she transformed to her cuter small self, she meowed to me once before scurrying off into the forest. "Kirara?" I was about to follow her but then I felt Sesshomaru's tight grip on my upper arm as he jerked to me to look at him. His brows were furrowed and eye steaming, "I get the feeling you don't like getting laughed at."

"You," he growled as he took my other arm into his fist, "are bothersome," but before I could protest and remind _him_ how he was just that, too, his lips collided with mine. I have to admit that was the very last thing I had expected but… but it wasn't unwelcomed like it should be. I didn't care anymore what happened to that castle, to that goddess that was apparently gone, all that mattered was the way his lips moved to mine, how he pried my lips opened with a snarl and let his tongue invade my mouth.

That's when it hit me just like I did the ground; he had never… kissed me. We had screwed, we had let our lips meet in during that carnal act, and I had kissed him once but he had never kissed me. Why was he doing it all of a sudden? Did he miss me?

I gasped for air more so than when I first came out of the water after his lips left mine to trail down my neck, I gave him full access so he could nip here and there. My pride could be killed but I'd finally know, so I sucked it up and stuttered, "why didn't you ever come looking for me?"

That only faltered him briefly, he stopped his assault but did not pull up to look at me or say a word. Some time passed before he started to tear at my demon slayer uniform and discard his soggy kimono to the side. I should stop him, we weren't animals—well, I wasn't, not anymore—we shouldn't just do it out in the open like this but… gods, it felt too good. I had missed his touched, ached for it in the midst of the night, so why push him away now? He thrust in was openly welcomed to me with a gasp.

He let his lips mingle with mine once more and that's what really got me as I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him closer so that they may never leave each other. He worked marvels with my lower extremities, he knew what he was doing splendidly, but still… it all paled in comparison to the passion he put in our kiss. I'm a foolish girl, but I don't care. It meant the world to me that he _kissed_ me. That through the entire mindboggling ordeal his lips were rarely far from mine. It wasn't until near the end that he pulled them from me for the last time to bit at my neck as I flew into bliss. If I hadn't been so high at that moment I would have noticed how his fangs actually pierced the nape of my neck at the same moment he, too, came.

It was suffocating, but I loved it all the same.

**{**|**x**o**x**o**x**o**x**...**x**o**x**o**x**o**x**....**x**o**x**o**x**o**x**|**}**

We huddled together that night, his body kept me warm until his clothes were dry enough to wrap me in. Though when I opened my eyes the next morning I found the spot next to be void… it always had been, back when I stayed with him at the castle. We'd do it in my room and he'd always be gone when I awake, somehow he always found a way to leave when I was truly asleep. One night I tried to stay up the entire time to catch him as he left me but… I failed. He still made his escape without me knowing. It was terrible. I actually felt a tear slide down my cheek this time though…

At least when we were at his home I knew he was in his room… now I didn't know where he had gone… or how long it would be until I saw him again.

Damn it, Sesshomaru, how could you do his to me? I was choking on my own sobs now.

**{**|**x**o**x**o**x**o**x**...**x**o**x**o**x**o**x**....**x**o**x**o**x**o**x**|**}**

Hug me 'til you drug me, honey, hug me  
Hug me 'til you suffocate me, hug me anyway

* * *

**A/N:** I didn't notice until this chapter that *gasp* I forgot about Kirara! Anyway, thank you everyone for the reviews and for reading :) It's great.  
I hope you keep enjoying Hug Me and I promise to keep updating. I will complete this story, I swear.


	10. Leave me alone

_Slowly but surely I was falling for the Great Demon Lord and there was nothing I could do about it. I could deny it; I could say it wasn't true, I could claim that waking up without him by my side didn't hurt me a bit but… all that would be a lie. I wouldn't say I was _in_ love with the harsh demon but I… I'd dare to say I was getting there. It never helped that _he_ would show up whenever I thought I was finally close to Sesshomaru. I wish he'd just..._

…_leave me alone._

**{**|**x**o**x**o**x**o**x**...**x**o**x**o**x**o**x**....**x**o**x**o**x**o**x**|**}**

The sobs finally subsided and the sniffles to regain myself started up as I whipped all the tears that were left out of my eyes. At least he left me with that stupid huge fluffy thing to cover myself with—_what_ is it, anyway? I couldn't figure out why he'd want to carry it around as I wrapped it all around me. He had torn all my clothes in his haste, _what_ did he think I was going to wear?

A small meow caught my attention so I looked over to see Kirara had returned to sit just out of my reach with a tilt of her adorable head and big red blinking eyes. At least she returned so I could… _what_? Fly away with his fluff wrapped around me until I came across a village so I could get a new kimono and leather suit tailored? Oh, the horror… the embarrassment.

"That stupid good for nothing bastard," I hissed to myself, "wait 'til I get my hands on that monster, Kirara, I'll—"

"What?" that cool, steady, tone that I knew so well retorted. I almost gasped as I turned to see Sesshomaru standing there with a folded kimono in hand, which he promptly dropped at my feet. "What will you do, slayer?"

Did he…? Go get me a new kimono? Is that where he had gone? I couldn't seem to find my voice as I let go of the very cozy white fuzz to pick up the beautiful kimono he had got me. There were hints of green mixed with a teal blue, it seemed that the ocean was bashing around on the bottom of it as beautiful lilies floated around on the rest of it.

"This is… beautiful," I awed while I picked up the white undergarment.

"Put it on, we are leaving," he stated swiftly.

"Where are we going?" I inquired with a cocked brow as I glanced up to meet his unrelenting golden gaze.

"Get dressed," he retorted.

"Turn around," I demanded as I pulled the white undergarment up to my chest to cover myself. I _almost_ looked like he was about to laugh the way his lips curled up.

"Truly? I have seen all of you," he stated in a very matter-of-fact tone.

"Still," I protested with a pout, "turn around."

I didn't expect to win that battle but he shook his head lightly and did just as I said before he walked off, I could feel that his aura was not far so he apparently did not have any intention of leaving me again. I took my time putting on the fine kimono and tying the obi before I was finally done and followed him into the forest a shallow way where Sesshomaru was waiting for me, "where are we going?"

"Back to my fortress," he stated as if I should have known.

"Why would I do that?" I inquired after I placed my hands on my hip.

He stared at me for a prolonged period of time before he looked down to Kirara who had walked over to purr up against him. "Where would you go otherwise?"

"Obviously…" back on the road to hunt demons endlessly? Did I want to do that? Was that such an _obvious _answer? I looked to the ground, if I kept that up what would happen to me? Would I find fellow slayers for friends? It was such a lonely life…

"I was wrong," he muttered almost so low that I didn't hear him.

It took a while before I looked up to him, "about…?"

He closed his eyes and turned his head away from me, "what I said."

"What did you say…?" I dragged out a bit dumbfounded, Sesshomaru was a man of few words but that didn't make it any less difficult to figure out what he was getting at.

"Never mind, let's go," he grumbled instead of answering me—typical tyrant—and began west through the trees.

"Wait, I didn't say I'd come with you," I protested but that didn't stop me from following his lead.

"Then don't."

It… it's so difficult to be close to Sesshomaru, but did I really want to? One moment I think that I can see a piece of his heart, I feel like he's on the brink of telling me something of worth, something _important_ to him, then the next it's like I don't matter. It's like his heart closed up and faded away from me… maybe if I really wanted, maybe if I put all my effort into it, I could get him to stop doing that?

**{**|**x**o**x**o**x**o**x**...**x**o**x**o**x**o**x**....**x**o**x**o**x**o**x**|**}**

I won, sort of, even though I kept following him I also kept arguing—well, Sesshomaru doesn't argue, he demands we do something, I'll argue, and he'll just repeat the same thing like I'll change my mind just because he said it again. Still, I refused to go with him to his castle. I just… had no idea what I wanted to do yet, should I give up on slaying and stay with Sesshomaru? Or should I honor my family's legacy?

I couldn't make such a decision without thinking about it for a few days, at the very least. Besides, if I went back with Sesshomaru _what_ would we be? Like we used to? No emotions, very little, at least, and just endless physical pleasure? Granted, I did enjoy the latter part of our former relationship but… I missed connecting with someone. The numbness I felt—that I _wanted_ to feel—from the hell Miroku put me through had finally faded. I wanted to _feel_ again, I wanted to connect even if that meant I would only be hurt again.

Even though he's a demon… and _I'm _a demon slayer I want that tie to be with Sesshomaru. I think, I'm not positive, but I think I do… My morals, my mind, my pride tell me—rather, _yell_ 'NO' at such an idea. My body, my heart, maybe even my soul all whisper 'yes'. The shouts reach me easier than the hush nudges, though.

Anyway, as I was saying, I won. I convinced him that we should stop in a village instead of continuing to head towards his fortress. He supplied the money, I bought the room at the inn, and then I let him in when no one was looking. I might be alright with accompanying a demon but other humans would holler like all hell broke lose if they saw Sesshomaru.

Sesshomaru simply sat across the room from me with his eyes closed, for a little while I just watched him and I couldn't help but think of Inuyasha. They didn't really look alike, Sesshomaru was stern and _far_ more mature but when they were both quiet, sitting like that, eyes closed, I could see the family resemblance.

"I miss Inuyasha," I murmured.

Quicker than I thought, his eyes snapped open and landed on me.

"What?" I shrugged, "I do. He was immature, a pain in the rear sometimes, but he was a loyal friend. I'm sorry he's dead."

"If you say so," he grumbled as he looked away. That was really all he had to say? Inuyasha _was_ his little brother, half-demon or not, they were blood.

"Doesn't it bother you, too?" I waited a bit but he said nothing so, "even just a _little_ bit?"

"What does it matter to you?" he gripped before he shut his yes once more.

"It… just is," maybe if I could get him to open up about Inuyasha it would be a doorway to more? I lingered a while for oh so long and he didn't move a bit. As if I was just going to let him stay mute on the subject so I got up and moved over to sit beside him. "Sesshomaru…?"

"What?"

I sighed, he's such a bother, "do you or don't you miss Inuyasha?"

"I don't understand why it matters," he nearly hissed as he clenched one fist together and glared at me with his infamous stare.

"Do you miss—?"

"No," he finally stated with ferocious force.

I can't I say I didn't frown at that, how couldn't he miss his brother? I miss Kohaku every day… "does it bother you that he died?"

"Be silent," he demanded.

"Does it matter at all that your brother's dead?"

"Stop," he stressed but I refused.

"Inuyasha's death—" before I knew what was happening he was on top of me pinning me to the ground with such a sizzling stare that it truly struck fear in my heart. Sesshomaru was a scary man, for certain. But he wouldn't hurt me… right? "Wh-what?"

"Be silent," he urged right before his lips clashed down onto me. Why? Kissing me—did he know that was my weakness? To actually have him _kiss_ me, I'm such a girl to allow something so simple to get at me. Though, it was a bittersweet moment. He was only doing it to make me stop pestering him.

"Stop," I protested with a bit of a sigh attached to the end of it as I pushed him away, much against my inner will. I wasn't going to let us become like _that_ again, sex and nothing else… I didn't want that. Not again, if we are going to have any type of sensual relationship I'd need him to tell me I matter.

That _we_ matter.

His eyes wondered around mine for a while before he pushed himself off of me and returned to the lazy sitting pose as if nothing happened.

"Why… do you want me to come back with you to your home?" I inquired as I tilted my head to the side so I could see him easier, I didn't bother to get up.

He didn't bother to look at me as he closed his eyes. I have a feeling I could ask him a thousand times and he'd never answer me so… I let it go. I'll just have to slowly work my way into his good grace, until he wanted to tell me things. I hope that's soon…

**{**|**x**o**x**o**x**o**x**...**x**o**x**o**x**o**x**....**x**o**x**o**x**o**x**|**}**

Sesshomaru was gone when I woke up; truly, couldn't he just be there _once_? We didn't even share the same futon… so I went to eat breakfast. Kirara had followed me like the loyal alley she was, when we began back to the inn—Sesshomaru just _had_ to be there by now, right?—she stopped and cocked her head to the side.

"Kirara?" I wished as I turned to look at my precious pet she just started off towards somewhere in such a rush, I had to follow her. Then I… I heard a voice that was far too familiar. _Two_ familiar ones, actually... I couldn't stop myself in time not to follow Kirara right to them. Why would Kirara go to them? Why did I hear her purr as she surely rubbed up against one of them?

"Kirara," the giddy greedy girl giggled, "where have you been?"

I took a deep breath as I closed my eyes, then out, until I finally looked up to meet with widened violet eyes.

Really… my luck was the worst in all the world.

**{**|**x**o**x**o**x**o**x**...**x**o**x**o**x**o**x**....**x**o**x**o**x**o**x**|**}**

_I swear I've seen that face somewhere before  
It's the very face I fell for in the human race.  
I can't lie, I was brainwashed to be honest  
In this brave new world that slowly passes by_

_

* * *

**A/N: **I'm sorry for the belated update. I will update again soon, I promise. I will finish this story. I swear.  
_


	11. Open Up

_I could curse that day for having the worst luck known to man or… I could thank to gods for leading them to me. I don't know which is right and which is wrong but I think if I hadn't chanced upon them I would never have been able to move on. Nor do I think that I would have finally achieved my goal. I would have never gotten him to…_

…_open up. _

**{**|**x**o**x**o**x**o**x**...**x**o**x**o**x**o**x**....**x**o**x**o**x**o**x**|**}**

"S-Sango-chan," I awed at the balled woman's choice of words—_chan_, really? Did she think we were on that level somehow, that we ever _could_ be?

"How dare you," I protested quickly, "never call me that again. I'd prefer if my name never left you traitorous mouth, truly."

She opened her mouth to say something but couldn't form any words, thankfully, so… so he stepped in for her. "Sango—"

"Be quiet," I demanded as my glare switched from the woman with the protruding stomach to him. "Is that your heir you were ever so anxious for, Miroku?"

It was his turn to fumble for words before his gaze left mine for the ground, where he deserved to be pushed into, I'm quite sure. "Congratulations," I hissed.

"You… you did say go back to her," Miroku murmured, what gall!

"I don't know what you are talking about," I gripped.

"Are you no longer with Sesshomaru?" Did I hear a bit of spite in his tone?

"How dare you," I repeated even harsher at him. "You had an affair, a long standing one at _that_, with what I _thought_," I changed my unrelenting stare from Miroku to Kagome, "was my friend. I can do whatever I want with whomever I want without your judgment, you so called monk."

"S… San…" but the harlot couldn't muster up my name, "I'm sorry… I'm so sorry."

"Don't be," I insisted, "obviously, he's not husband material. Though, you _should_ be sorry to Inuyasha. The man gave his life for you and you repay it by having an affair with his closest friend?" That got the proper reaction from her as her eyes widened; it was almost as if I shot an arrow right through her heart. "You are harlot," I had been thinking it oh-so-much so why not just call her out on it finally?

"Sango," Miroku muttered, "please—"

"And you are a man-whore," I stated swiftly as I turned my attention back to him, "I've returned to my natural trait of demon slaying and I have to tell you I enjoy it far more than I ever did the pathetic life I had with you. I decided… I've never really enjoyed your touch, either." I wanted to add that Sesshomaru's was _far_ more satisfying but I decided that would hurt my own dignity. "You are a cheater, a liar, and a fool, Miroku. I would enjoy nothing more than _never_ seeing either of you again. Can I assume you have moved to this village to start up a new and ever so joyous life together?" I mocked heavily, Miroku nodded. "I'll make sure never to come back here, then."

"Sango, please, let me—" Kagome begged with a stream of tears cascading down her cheeks. What right did _she_ have to cry?

"What?" I interrupted crudely, "can you really give me a fine explanation about why you needed to steal my husband? Can you? Is there truly one? Kirara, come with me, we're leaving." I suppose she sensed the edge of my tone and made haste to follow my order before I turned.

"I am sorry, Sango," I heard Miroku whisper.

"No you aren't," I muttered back. "If you were sorry you wouldn't have actually gone back to her."

**{**|**x**o**x**o**x**o**x**...**x**o**x**o**x**o**x**....**x**o**x**o**x**o**x**|**}**

I had no idea it could ever be so difficult to breath, I could only get a shallow amount of air in my lungs at any given time as I crotched down in the forest just outside of the village that now housed _their_ happy life together. I just… I had to flee there as quickly as possible. Sure, I could be cruel and calculated just then but as soon as I was out sight from them the panic and utter _pain_ set in.

I don't love Miroku any longer but… still, how could anyone be fine after seeing their former husband with his now pregnant probably new wife? Practically when that woman just so happened to be your closest friend in all the world and the one who your husband cheated on you with? _How_? If there was a way, please tell me, I'd love to know it.

I hate the treacherous tears that trickled down my cheeks as I fell upon my bum in the dirt, I should have thought of how awful it was to mess up such a beautiful kimono but… what did it matter? She had my life. _Mine_, the one I thought I wanted so desperately during our tireless trek to destroy Naraku. I'd marry Miroku, we'd have children, we'd live happily ever after.

That was how it was supposed to be but… Kagome had that life now. It's _not_ fair. What did _I_ have? Nothing. No one would mourn my death, just like Sesshomaru said. Kirara would, I suppose, but that doesn't really count…

I wrapped my arms around my legs as I pulled my knees up to rest my forehead against. I told myself over and over again that these were the last tears I'd cry for _that_ man… for all he did.

I heard the crackling of the forest floor and felt a familiar demonic presence proceed towards me and while I very much hated the idea of letting Sesshomaru see me like this I couldn't stop it… he must think I'm weak for all the times he's caught me crying.

Then I felt him stop near me yet say nothing, I really tried to regain myself at that point by sucking in as much air as possible and closing my eyes all the more but it didn't work…

"The monk?" He assumed, I suppose he had picked up on his scent or something or maybe I was easier to read then I thought.

"I… I don't care," I shakily declared as soon as I got the tears to subside enough that I could whip my face clean.

"I see," was all he said back. No comforting words but did I honestly care? Yes… very much.

Then he did something I hadn't expected the Great Demon Lord to do, he held out his hand for me to take. Gradually, I did just that and he pulled me to my feet in one swift motion. "Let's continue west."

"We can't be that far from your…" I didn't seem to have the will power to finish that sentence.

"No, we aren't, by midway we'd be there."

I nodded weakly before I took a step forward and leaned my head against his chest, he hadn't opened his arms for me or anything but I just wanted to… so I did. I don't care what he thinks, "I'll come," I whispered. I wanted to feel anything but this misery and Sesshomaru was the best way to achieve that goal, even if love wasn't what I would end up feeling…

He let me linger like that for a bit before we headed on.

**{**|**x**o**x**o**x**o**x**...**x**o**x**o**x**o**x**....**x**o**x**o**x**o**x**|**}**

We got there before noon, actually, we truly were not far from it at all and when we reached the mountain side that led up to his fortress he just sped up it and I rode on Kirara. To my surprise, the room that was once mine was still vacant… almost as if it was waiting for me to return. I have to admit, it felt a little like coming home to walk into that room with Kirara purring by my side to see the same futon in the center and everything just as… I had left it? I suppose there was simply no use for the room while I was away? The place was very large, after all.

I decided to get reacquainted with the layout of the place, it had been over a year now, and I didn't want to sit still… I didn't want to allow my mind the chance to wonder. I'm so very glad I did go on that walk, or else I'd never have overheard Sesshomaru's demon henchmen complaining like I did.

"I can't believe Sesshomaru-sama wants that woman here again…" one gripped

"She's just a mortal, what is she so important?" Another bickered.

"At least _you_ didn't have to go around all the land checking on her to report it to mi'lord."

"I can't believe he actually had demons do that… she was demon _slaying _all that time. I don't understand mi'lord at all…"

"Don't let him catch you hear that, Sesshomaru-sama could still rip off our heads without breaking a sweat."

"Yeah," the demon shivered at the very thought.

Sesshomaru… that makes sense, I suppose, when I met him in that water castle he kept stating things about the past year as if he knew them for a fact—that I had returned to slaying, that I hadn't touched opium, and such. It wasn't him just being, well, the stoic emotionless man he was but… because you cared enough to check up on me? Or am I misunderstanding this, was there another reason for doing that? Did I hurt your feelings when I left, Sesshomaru? Did you miss me, like I did you?

Honestly, there was only one person to ask all of this to and that's exactly who I sped to. As always, as if nothing had changed at all, he was in his room looking over scrolls. I entered without announcing myself and much to the dismay of a few of his henchmen but he waved them away and allowed me in all the same.

"You should at least knock," he stated.

"You sent some of your people out to monitor me and report back to you," it wasn't a question and I made sure he knew that I was folded my arms. His eyes snapped to me right away. "Why?"

He didn't answer me, no shocker there, he simply returned to whatever task was at hand.

"Why do you do that?" I complained as I walked over to him and knelt down beside him, "you ignore anything you don't want to talk about… Sesshomaru, I—"

"Sama," he reminded me.

"Oh my lord," I gripped, "I'm not calling you that. Sesshomaru," I placed my hand on his cheek farthest away from me to pull his face so it was turned to me, "I'm… I'm glad you did that. I'm glad that you cared enough to."

"Is that so?" He mused; I just narrowed my gaze on him in return. That was such… a detached answer; he was neither confirming nor denying that he did it at all, let alone that he cared.

So I sighed as I let my fingers slip down his cheek and turned to sit looking across the room instead of him and he returned to whatever it is that a demon lord does. I think I felt his eyes on me every now and then but I never glanced to him to confirm that, I just… "I saw Miroku… I saw him with Kagome… they're expecting a child together." I could hear the ruffle of the scrolls stop; I suppose that meant I had his attention. I took a deep breath as I looked over to him, "it… it's not fair. I hate them both so much."

I would have hoped he would say something to that, I don't know what… I can't imagine what the stoic Sesshomaru would have actually said, 'it'll be alright'? I doubt it; I suppose I could see him offering to kill them for me. That would have given me a smile. I opened my mouth to continue but he stopped me.

"I assumed that was why you… were crying," I sort of got the feeling that 'crying' was a shameful thing to Sesshomaru.

"Did you know?" I whispered as I looked over to him, "that they were…?"

He pressed his lips together for a moment before he looked at me through the corner of his eyes, "when you left… I assumed you returned to your husband."

"So… you sent someone to check on that?" He actually nodded once, "and you found out they were together again?"

"I did," he muttered. It was my turn to simply nod in retaliation and sigh before silence wrapped about us once again, we're good at that… just sitting without any words. It's comfortable but… "you wish you were her?"

My eyes snapped back to him, "Kagome?"

"Yes."

"I… I used to," she muttered, "I used to want that life but… but if any good came from me seeing them it's… the pain isn't gone but the longing is. I don't want to be with him, never again… I'm over it." It was a revelation to even to me. I _was_ over it, I couldn't forgive them, I couldn't forget, but I could let go. I could… move on. Really, move on and I'd like that to be with Sesshomaru.

"Is that so?"

"Would you _stop_ saying that?" I groaned, "can't you think of something else to say?"

He just _shrugged_, gods, I am going to hit him if he is just going to be like that… I shook my head as I leaned back so I could rest against the wall and wrap my arms around my knees. "Sesshomaru…?"

"What?"

"I want to stay here," I mumbled.

"Fine," of course that's all he had to say.

"I want to stay here… to stay near you," I confessed as I turned my head, as I expected that didn't seem to affect him at all. Do I not matter to him? I want to matter; I _really_ do because… he matters, so much, to me.

"Then stay," he stated.

"Do you want me to?" Of course, it was too much of a hassle for the great Sesshomaru-sama to reply to that. "I'm not going to stay in less you say you want me to otherwise I'll leave."

"And where would you go?" he retorted.

"Anywhere," I assured.

Gradually his golden gaze moved from the scrolls to me, his eyes moved about my face for a while before they locked onto mine, he took a breath in before he parted his lips just slightly. Was it really that hard to just say 'I want you to stay'? Apparently, but eventually he was able to open his mouth enough, "stay."

"Not good enough," I muttered as I started to get up only to have him grasp my wrist and yank me into his lap. My breath was hitched in my throat so I couldn't protest as I pressed his lips to mine.

"Stay," he repeated with a breath upon my lips before he pulled me closer and kissed me once more. He's a man of few words… that's how I rationalized that one word being enough. I wrapped my arms around his neck as he pried my lips open.

He pinned me to the ground before I knew what was happening and ripped my kimono open in one swift movement and I didn't stop it. I relished in his touch as our legs twisted to keep him close. I had never felt so safe, so blissful in another's embrace as his lips moved all about me, from mine to my lower region and back up again. I gasped for gushes of crisp air when we united.

Moan mingled movements. Brilliant sensations made that dismal dream I was once had of living a life with another man truly fade.

As pathetic as it may sound, I think that was the first time Sesshomaru and I made love instead of just physically fucking each other.

**{**|**x**o**x**o**x**o**x**...**x**o**x**o**x**o**x**....**x**o**x**o**x**o**x**|**}**

"Sesshomaru," I murmured after I had let my eyes flutter open to find that I was still in his embrace, with my head against his bare chest. He was here when I woke up, that's a first but I hope not the final time. His fingers just glided down my bare spine. "You're here for once…"

"It's my room," he simply declared. I guess we didn't do that often…

"Sesshomaru," I sighed as I shook my head before I pried myself away only enough so that I could look down into his eyes, "if I died would you be upset?"

His brows quickly furrowed at that before I suppose he figured out what I was getting out because they straightened out just as quickly, he just nodded.

"I want you to say it," I demanded with a bit of a pout as I tilted my head to the side so my brown hair slid over one shoulder instead of the other.

"It…" he grumbled before he snorted, "it would upset… me."

"Thank you," I smiled before giving him a quick peck on the lips, "then I'll stay here."

"I wouldn't let you go again," he stated rather harshly but I couldn't help but grin even more. Sure, the Great Demon Lord was probably just as possessive as his half-brother but… at least he was possessive over me; I wouldn't have it any other way.

"I promise, I won't go anywhere again," I bit my bottom lip lightly as I glanced around his face a few times. I wonder if it would be wrong to just tell him… I wonder if it would ruin everything if I did… I wonder… but I wanted to, so I would, and if he ran because of it… so be it.

I'd probably just chase him anyway.

"Sesshomaru," I whispered before I leaned down to kiss him once more, his grip around my waist tightened and I could tell his mind was wondering to a place I didn't necessarily want to return to—not yet, at least. I pulled away just enough to say, "I love you."

And… it shouldn't have hurt as much as it did when he tensed up and stopped everything to stare at me blankly. Was there fear in the full fledged demons eyes?

"I do," I muttered as I pulled away, to my dismay it was easy to get out of his grasp and pull on the white sleeping yukata that was beside the bed. I think I even felt the familiar tinge of tears before I heard him sit up and tilt my chin towards him. I tried my best to blink away any tears that might have been there.

"I…" he pressed his lips to mine, "I… do as well."

My world spun for an instant before I smiled once more to wrap my arms about him.

At that moment, I couldn't have been happier about Miroku's betrayal. It was worth it, all the hell, to end up here, to hear those words.

Like I've said before, I'm Sesshomaru's and Sesshomaru's mine. It's as simple as that.

**{**|**x**o**x**o**x**o**x**...**x**o**x**o**x**o**x**....**x**o**x**o**x**o**x**|**}**

_By the way, I never really liked your hands on me  
Never liked your ideas of what's beautiful or real or truly holy  
And I must say, you've thrown your apathy away  
Grown back into your diapers, will you die first,  
Before admit the truth?_


	12. Epilogue

_I stayed with my love, 'mi'lord' everyone else called him, and after a while I became 'mi'lady' somehow. All those who used to give me dirty glares when they thought I wasn't looking didn't dare do that anymore. I was with their Lord, for good, and I suppose they accepted that. Like father like son, I heard a few still say. I didn't care, I was lost in bliss all the while. _

_He opened up, as much as I suppose he would, and spoke more, shared his personal thoughts with me. He trusted me, I knew it, and he loved me—he told me so, not often, but enough. Everything was…_

_Amazing._

**{**|**x**o**x**o**x**o**x**...**x**o**x**o**x**o**x**....**x**o**x**o**x**o**x**|**}**

"Kazuhiko, come here," I beckoned with a broad smile upon my face, waving my hand to emphasize my words. My little boy wobbled down the stairs of the porch to walk over to me with his arms up in the arm, I smiled all the more as I picked him up.

My son, Kazuhiko is four years of age now. I always thought there was something wrong with me, I always thought that I just wasn't meant to have any children and that's why Miroku and I never did. Now, I know that I never had children because he just wasn't for me. Sesshomaru was, and within a year of me staying with him we were shocked to find out we were going to have a child.

I wasn't' too surprised to find out that Sesshomaru made a fabulous father. He was protective and nurturing in his own way, and he loved Kazuhiko to no end. Any ill feelings I harbored towards Miroku and _her_ died. If they hadn't I wouldn't be here now, I wouldn't have a son I cherished more than anything, or Sesshomaru by my side each night and there when I woke up in the morning.

I love my life.

"Dad," Kazuhiko gleamed as he reached his hand out to the side, my eyes followed to see Sesshomaru walk out towards us. He gave me his subtle smile as I handed Kazuhiko over to him since that's what he wanted to do. It was simple for Sesshomaru to hold Kazuhiko in one arm and pull me into the other.

Did I mention how perfect everything was now?

Kazuhiko honestly reminded me a great deal of Inuyasha… I thought that my child would share the same features as him, of course, but Kazuhiko was also a stubborn little boy and since he learned to talk a very loud one, too. He was also full of energy, which I was fine with, it made everything far more interesting but bedtime a true task. I suppose I won't be teaching him how to hunt demons… I was the last demon slayer from my village and I have officially given up that life to live with a demon lord.

I'm alright with that, though.

I always used to ask Sesshomaru if he was bothered by his brother's death and he'd never answer me. I never really thought that he'd tell me how he felt on that matter until the day Kazuhiko was born and Sesshomaru held him for the first time. Our child held his golden gaze intently as he told me, "I regret his death." Any condescending feelings he might have had for Inuyasha being a half-demon died at that moment.

I felt Sesshomaru's lips lightly touch the top of my head to bring me back to the present and his hand wonder down my back to my belly.

"It's a girl," I whispered. I was right about Kazuhiko being a boy, so why wouldn't I be right about our second?

"If you say so," he still said that _all_ the time but I was fine with that.

There was nothing in this world I would want more than being right here with my son in Sesshomaru's strong embrace.

**{**|**x**o**x**o**x**o**x**...**x**o**x**o**x**o**x**....**x**o**x**o**x**o**x**|**}**

**_A/N:_**_ Thank you for reading, thank you for all the reviews and I hope you enjoyed._**  
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